Let Me Tell You A Story

It starts with an unexpected internet outage and ends with me at Starbucks, with my shirt on backwards.

Okay, so we cancelled the cable because they mostly watch netflix and I have never so much as turned my television on. When I watch TV, I stream it, because CTV is awesome and Global had to become nearly as awesome in order to keep up. By the time the cable got cancelled, I had long since turned my enormous television sideways, and faced it to the wall, because it took up less space and I kept thinking that someday I’ll turn into a Real Author and, I don’t know, WRITE A FREAKING BOOK.

Anyway. So we cancel the cable. Which also means we change internet providers, because it was cheaper to just get internet with company B than it was with company A. Today, Roommate B changed the box, which is in my room. I had to clean up a bit (GOOD LORD, I HAVE A LOT OF BOOKS), but not too ambitiously, because: sciatica (which is probably why none of those books ended up on an actual shelf). Apparently, the internet can take some time to reset, so it just NEVER CAME BACK ON, and after four hours, I decided that I needed to email someone, so I thought I’d get up and go to Starbucks.

OH WAIT. When Roommate B was in my room to change the box, he also removed the television. Now there is a huge desk, and I put a shelf that I salvaged from work on it, and later I will fill that shelf with manuscripts and business-y stuff, because: REAL AUTHOR.

RIGHT. So I go to Starbucks. I put on dress pants and a new shirt, because everything else I own is in the washing machine. I think to myself, “Man, this new shirt is excellent! The shoulder seams are ACTUALLY ON MY SHOULDERS, and the neckline is perfect! This happens to me so rarely! I DIDN’T EVEN TRY THIS SHIRT ON BEFORE I BOUGHT IT. I win at life, basically.”

I sit in the car (which, for the record, is absolutely the worst part of my day, on account of how much it bloody hurts), and drive to Starbucks, which is attached to Chapters. Now, I had decided a long time ago that if/when I cleaned off my desk, I would celebrate by buying DESK ORGANIZING STUFF, because I am a total nerd. Also: REAL AUTHOR. So I went to Chapters and bought the stuff, and as I was standing in the cash line, I realized something very important.

My shirt was on backwards*.

So I paid for my stuff, and went to Starbucks, and turned my shirt around, and IT TOTALLY FITS BETTER WHEN IT IS ON BACKWARDS, WHAT THE HECK, and then I decided that I had made enough decisions for the day, so I let the barista pick my drink, and she gave me the very berry hibiscus refresher (the orange one tastes like SUNSHINE AND HAPPINESS, but I have some really good memories associated with hibiscus, so it’s okay, EVEN THOUGH IT HAS FLOATIES IN IT from when they shook up the berries).

Then I went on the internet.

I think when I get home, I will take the type-writer out of my car, and put it on my desk. As you do.

Bring it on, Fall. Bring it on gently.




*Possibly, that is the realest author I have ever been, right there.


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